Sort of Bon Weekend

Goooooood afternoon!! I had a light brunch today so I'm quite hungry at the moment. So there will be random moments on this blog post. Forgive me for any future problems. *bows*

Moving on!

I have to do my English project that is due on Monday. But it's like, a 14 page essay about a prominent person who has made an impact in American history and my life. No motivation here whatsoever. The most biggest issue I have is that I don't have a role model. I don't look up to any celebrity. Because having a role model means that I want to follow in that person's footsteps. I don't want to follow that person's steps. What am I, a clone? I am my own person! This whole project is so entirely unnecessary!! My junior year is already coming to an end. There is less than a month left. So why do I even have to write this so-called-almighty "Multi Genre Project?" Why can't we just finish the school year with reading a book, taking a few quizzes, and wrapping up our grades with a big final test? Why do things have to be so excessively energy wasting? It's not even fun.


Now I have completely forgotten what else I wanted to blog about. Where has that notebook of blog writing gone to when I need it?

Sigh.

This has been your hungry, procrastinating, unorganized, 17-year-old blogess. (Yes, I just made up that word. You like?)

P.S. I can't believe I'm already seventeen. I mean, it was only a few blogs ago that I had just turned sixteen.

I'm Back

This was a blog post that I had started in September 2011 but kept it as a draft.
I now have the courage to post it as an official blog. Here it is:


I kept telling myself that I would do many blogs over the summer and I even kept track in a journal about what I would blog about. But since I'm not a very committed person, that didn't work out. Since I haven't blogged in a few months I have to give my readers a lot of catching up to do. Now half of my reasons for my lack in blogging are very ... depressing ... and the other half is more optimistic. But since this will take up a lot of blogs I will get the depressing news out of the way first. This will be very hard and personal for me to do, but I feel that it will help me move on. Let's begin.

Life is hard. You have to do so many things in order to survive everyday and even when you're doing all of the right things, something else effects you. It's very unfair, but that is the world we live in today. It is not perfect. We will all eventually get sick and die. This is a story about my uncle that has passed away on Friday, June 24, 2011. (I caught you off guard right?)

My uncle, my father's younger brother, was diagnosed with stomach cancer at the beginning of this year. When we had received a call from my aunt a week earlier that he was in the hospital, I had hoped that he would be cured. I already knew that this was an impossible request when I first laid my eyes on him sitting in a hospital bed.

He had already shaved off all his hair and he was the skinniest I had ever seen him. Seeing the needles in his arm and tubes in his nose made him look very vulnerable. I couldn't dare to look at him for more than a few seconds. I couldn't even talk to him. My heart was wrenching inside my chest so much that I left the hospital room and took refuge downstairs in the lobby. Of course I eventually went back upstairs to reassure my uncle with a smile.

The following week involved my family driving back and forth down south to the hospital my uncle was staying in. Half the time I went against my will. Half the time I knew that I should go see him so that I wouldn't regret anything. But that didn't mean I stayed at the hospital the whole time. I went to go see Green Lantern with my brothers to escape reality.

A week later, on June 23rd, 2011, my uncle's condition was terribly worsened that we had to call everyone to gather at the hospital. He was having trouble breathing because the cancer cells were spreading to devour his lungs, his organs, and even down to his bones. This day was also my brother Peter's birthday. ...I prayed so hard to God that night, pleading to not let my uncle pass away on his birthday. That night was also the first time I had seen my older brother David cry.

On June 24th, 2011, my family had woken up to the news of my uncle's death. At first I was afraid to touch him. But I wanted something to remember him by so that I wouldn't regret. I knelt down on the side of his bed and grabbed his right hand. I will never forget the texture of his hand, the size of his hand, or how cold his hand was. No matter how long I held on to his hand, they remained cold. I tried to warm up his hand. I really did. But they remained cold. It felt to me like he was slipping away. That he would never open his eyes again, never speak again, never touch me again, and worst of all, never breathe again. It was then that I started to release my cries out loud along with my family.


Our family held his funeral on June 27, 2011. Ironically, this was the same day that my other uncle died in 2007. Reality was very cruel and relentless for me that day. Before I left the funeral, I walked up to the coffin with my mother to bid my uncle a last farewell. He looked so nice in his suit that it made me cry. I engraved his sleeping face into my mind in that moment so that I would never forget what he looked like. And for the last time, I touched his hand and walked away with the feeling of his cold skin tingling on my fingertips.


Now I live my life one day at a time.

It's Been Over A Year!

So it has come to my attention that I haven't blogged in over a year (Thank you best friend). You guys have probably noticed by now that I have a problem where I can never finish what I started. And a serious case of procrastination. Right now, I really do have a lot to share. I mean, like, a year's worth of blabber. But I'll go into a romance/debate topic for now.

I personally like mature, older guys than those that fall into the same age range as me. He can be 9 or 10 years older than me and I could still like the dude. But my guy friend can't understand why girls dig older guys or how guys can date someone much younger than them.

My friend and I always talk about this every time I mention someone older than me and he asks me if the guy is one of my "old man crushes." He likes to tease me a lot and blow up my mistakes in the face. But I guess that's why we're such good friends.

Anyway, It's quite the hilarious topic to talk about so I want to ask my readers: What do you guys think? Tell me your preference and/or opinion. :]

Time to explain

For those of you that are curious about my blog name, I shall explain. (I feel like I'm confessing a crime I committed, haha.) What is "SunflowerLove27"?:

Sunflower love basically means a love like a sunflower. You look at a sunflower and what do you notice? That it's face looks up to the sun, standing tall, and big. That's why it's called a sunflower, right? (Don't worry, that was a rhetorical question.) I've heard that a person's unrequited love can be compared to a sunflower's love for the sun. And if you think about it, it all makes sense really. The sunflower grows because of the sun and tries to look like the sun with its yellow and orange, (sometimes red) petals. This flower is always looking up to the sky to look at the sun, it's love. Sounds like a little innocent fairy tale, doesn't it? But as everyone already knows, the flower exists on Earth and the sun exists out there in the universe, the center of it all. The sun is too popular for this flower and shares it's warmth with every creature, every object. A player, indeed. So the only thing the flower can do is wither in the end and shrink away it's existence. I could be the only one thinking and feeling that this comparison was deep to me. But I think it's also because I favor the sunflower. ^-^

When I first heard the comparison I really thought I could relate to this because I'm always finding myself swimming in and out of unrequited love. For example, I have a friend that I've been acquainted with since I was in 7th grade. He's a year older than I am. I liked him before he ever liked me. But by the time I found out he had developed feelings for me, I was already in a long distance relationship with someone else. I really hesitated as to what I should do but I gave up on that friend because I didn't want a guy that had another girl in his heart. I wanted someone with only me in his mind and heart. I always had bad timing with him anyway so I gave up on him. Because he's a good friend. Sometimes I can't tell if I'm an idiot when it comes to love but at the same time I know I'm doing a good thing by giving up. Even if it means getting hurt every now and then. This almighty Jess can make it okay!!! (Please do not pity me for self encouragement.)

27 is a number that we're all a little familiar with by now. My birthday! But don't think that I like this number a lot just because it's the number of my birthday. I found out that a lot of things have happened on this day or time that have been memorable to me. But I can't really list those things out because even THAT's way too personal for me to reveal on a blog. Most of those things were just really small things that hit me on a personal level and some were things that I had to endure through in order to get rid of the pain. Besides, this number isn't something I can exactly explain about. It is a number after all. ;)

About my last blog...

I talked about Strobe Edge and that the 36th chapter was the last chapter. Well, I'll be blunt and tell you the truth. I lied. (That was a little ironic.) The author added two bonus chapters at the end. It included a beautiful, heart throbbing, heart pumping, kiss scene~!! I am very content with the ending. ^-^

I'm also very glad that I was able to get my best friend to read this cute manga and was able to thoroughly enjoy its innocence. It's good to hear that it got her into manga again, while she got me into k-pop more than before. I wonder if there will ever come a time where the both of us will have a romantic love life like Ninako-chan...Puhaha just kidding. Although I really~~ wouldn't mind having a hunk like Ren-kun be my future boyfriend. ;]

Well then, time to officially start this blog!! It's strange how before I blog I have all these ideas on what to blog about, but when I sit down with the screen in front of my face - my mind goes blank! Am I the only one that experiences these symptoms? Maybe I should take notes in a journal. Just for my personal blogging. (Laughs inwardly.)

So first things first. I got four things to talk about so listen up. 1) My nails. 2) My LG Vortex. 3) Fast Five. 4) My father. Let us commence with this blog.

I used to have this bad habit of chewing off my nails and I still get the urge every now and then but I force myself to rid myself of such "uncivilized" traits. So I go out of my way and into the decent way to use a nailclipper. But because of my weird OCD traits, I have to perfect my nails and angle them and file them just right to my taste. My mother likes it when I have long nails, so being the good daughter I am, I grow them to a certain length. But you see, I'm not familiar with having long nails because I was always chewing them off. So now whenever I'm texting, or typing, or playing keyboard, or guitar, or writing, etc. my nails seem to always be in the way. It drives me towards insanity at times but as my hairstylist tells me: "Beauty is pain." Remember that, my gals.

Now my LG Vortex, my cellular device, is an odd creature. You'd think I would've gotten used to my own phone by now since I've had it for about 2-3 months. But I think that I rather despise the slick little creature. I charge it all night and yet the batteries hit rock bottom very easily. I'm probably not supposed to charge it all night, but old habits don't die easily when they deserve to now do they? Also, whenever I reboot my phone, it keeps changing one of my contacts to David when his name is Dave. As you already may know, my older brother's name is David. So whenever I need to text my brother for trivial matters I end up texting this Dave person and not my brother. I'm not sure if you know how frustrating that can be, but I'll just tell you that it is.

On April 29th, Fast Five came out, right? I went to go see it the following Saturday with a couple of acquaintances. I personally went to go see that movie just for Sung Kang aka Han. (He was also in Tokyo Drift.) I'll tell you that Han was just freaking amazingly gorgeous in every scene he was in. You have no idea how many times my gals and I squealed. (Shakes head in shame.) I recommend this movie to those that love cars, enjoy the thrill of watching car races, Vin D., Dwayne Johnson, or Fast and Furious itself. I'll just warn those that haven't seen the movie yet ahead of time that you have to stay after the credits to watch the cliff hanger. :)

Now I want you to envision you and your father, whoever the good man may be. And what I want to know is: Do you have a good relationship with your old man? Because boy I tell you, I do not. My father and I have acquired a ... complicated relationship over the years of living together. (Not that I've lived anywhere else.) My father is a man that cannot express love to it's full potential and is very stubborn. He stopped giving me affectionate hugs by the time I turned at least 8. I don't remember what his embrace feels like anymore. At times, I do have the urge to hug him and at times I just wanna smack him. It's very hard to describe these feelings because overall, he is a good man and I respect him. There are just times that I don't respect him as my father. I find it hard to open up to him or ask for protection from him because of all the bottled up feelings I have of him. He never gave me the chance to vent or tell my side of the story to anything so I do have ugly feelings every now and then towards him. I know for a fact that he is the only male that has made me cry the most. But he doesn't know this because I have hid it well from him. Since I usually maintain a good distance from him when I'm in a bad mood, nothing sour happens. I guess that the only positive side to this relationship is that we both try to go back to the way it was between us. Sometimes I even think that the problem lies within my heart because I may have built up a wall between us. Maybe I really am just a big daddy's girl on the inside. But whatever the problem may be, I do have high hopes for the future us. Fighting!

T^T

So for about the past year I have been reading Strobe Edge. (Yes, I'm a manga addict.) It has been completed today with it's 36th chapter. What I loved about this piece of art was in fact, not about the art, but the story. (But the art is pretty cute too and original. It has it's own trademark look.) It has been just way too long since I came across a good story that has kept me at the edge of my seat and screaming like a fan girl every time something ADORABLE happened. The mangas I've read up until now were mostly all typical stories, where you could guess the outcome. But this manga just threw new stuff at me in every chapter, giving me heart wrenching moments!! It is an incredible manga. But this manga is obviously for chicks, so I don't know if guys will enjoy it as well.

The genres are romance, comedy, shoujo, drama, and a slice of life. I loved everything about this manga, except the ending. Don't get me wrong, it was a cute, happy, romantic ending. I only didn't like the ending because I didn't want it to end. Plus, they didn't give a kiss scene for the new long-awaited couple that were meant to be. >:/

But, oh well, even if I'm not satisfied with the sudden ending, the work was an overall well thought out piece. And just SUPER adorable. I give it two thumbs up! :D

I recommend this piece to anyone that likes a good romance manga. :]

27

Hello again. :)

So I guess I could say that my current mood is a little ecstatic seeing as how in just four hours I am going to turn sweet old 16. But at the same time I'm not exactly so thrilled about this event because this just proves that I am growing old daily or yearly, whatever. Yes, that is a part of our daily life. But I cherish those moments where I used to be young and naive. Once again, yes, I am only 16 and probably don't have any right to say this. Nevertheless, I feel old thinking about turning 16. Because before you know it, I'm going to be 21! Then there will be nothing to look forward to after I turn 21 in this world. Of course, there's always the option of marriage, but let's not go into that right now.

What I'm actually looking forward to is the fact that my brothers are coming to visit me on Monday, the 28th. Since both of my siblings have moved back to my hometown and live together as roommates, I don't get to hang out with them all so often. (I'm a very sentimental, sensitive gal, so hang in there. I'm almost done with the mushy stuff. ;] ) My brothers and I have a huge age gap. My oldest brother and I have an age gap of 14 years. My second brother is about 11 years older than me. They're both very protective of me and spoil me. But I love them for that. And since we don't get to hang out a lot, I got them to hang out with me during my spring break to teach me how to jetski. It's going to be epic and I can't wait! :)