I'm Back

This was a blog post that I had started in September 2011 but kept it as a draft.
I now have the courage to post it as an official blog. Here it is:


I kept telling myself that I would do many blogs over the summer and I even kept track in a journal about what I would blog about. But since I'm not a very committed person, that didn't work out. Since I haven't blogged in a few months I have to give my readers a lot of catching up to do. Now half of my reasons for my lack in blogging are very ... depressing ... and the other half is more optimistic. But since this will take up a lot of blogs I will get the depressing news out of the way first. This will be very hard and personal for me to do, but I feel that it will help me move on. Let's begin.

Life is hard. You have to do so many things in order to survive everyday and even when you're doing all of the right things, something else effects you. It's very unfair, but that is the world we live in today. It is not perfect. We will all eventually get sick and die. This is a story about my uncle that has passed away on Friday, June 24, 2011. (I caught you off guard right?)

My uncle, my father's younger brother, was diagnosed with stomach cancer at the beginning of this year. When we had received a call from my aunt a week earlier that he was in the hospital, I had hoped that he would be cured. I already knew that this was an impossible request when I first laid my eyes on him sitting in a hospital bed.

He had already shaved off all his hair and he was the skinniest I had ever seen him. Seeing the needles in his arm and tubes in his nose made him look very vulnerable. I couldn't dare to look at him for more than a few seconds. I couldn't even talk to him. My heart was wrenching inside my chest so much that I left the hospital room and took refuge downstairs in the lobby. Of course I eventually went back upstairs to reassure my uncle with a smile.

The following week involved my family driving back and forth down south to the hospital my uncle was staying in. Half the time I went against my will. Half the time I knew that I should go see him so that I wouldn't regret anything. But that didn't mean I stayed at the hospital the whole time. I went to go see Green Lantern with my brothers to escape reality.

A week later, on June 23rd, 2011, my uncle's condition was terribly worsened that we had to call everyone to gather at the hospital. He was having trouble breathing because the cancer cells were spreading to devour his lungs, his organs, and even down to his bones. This day was also my brother Peter's birthday. ...I prayed so hard to God that night, pleading to not let my uncle pass away on his birthday. That night was also the first time I had seen my older brother David cry.

On June 24th, 2011, my family had woken up to the news of my uncle's death. At first I was afraid to touch him. But I wanted something to remember him by so that I wouldn't regret. I knelt down on the side of his bed and grabbed his right hand. I will never forget the texture of his hand, the size of his hand, or how cold his hand was. No matter how long I held on to his hand, they remained cold. I tried to warm up his hand. I really did. But they remained cold. It felt to me like he was slipping away. That he would never open his eyes again, never speak again, never touch me again, and worst of all, never breathe again. It was then that I started to release my cries out loud along with my family.


Our family held his funeral on June 27, 2011. Ironically, this was the same day that my other uncle died in 2007. Reality was very cruel and relentless for me that day. Before I left the funeral, I walked up to the coffin with my mother to bid my uncle a last farewell. He looked so nice in his suit that it made me cry. I engraved his sleeping face into my mind in that moment so that I would never forget what he looked like. And for the last time, I touched his hand and walked away with the feeling of his cold skin tingling on my fingertips.


Now I live my life one day at a time.