I've Been Tagged?

A fellow blogger tagged moi to do a Q&A and moi thought, "Why not?"

Here I go!

1. What is your favorite feature about yourself?
I like that I can be really patient if I want to be. There are people that can't handle waiting in line, have to go to the bathroom as soon as they get the signal, can't stand children, etc. While I can wait for months to get what I want, like a new phone.

2. Name one song and a memory attached to it.
Saltwater Room by Owl City. The song itself to me sounds very nostalgic so attaching a memory to it makes it have more meaning to me. Everytime I hear it, I get so overwhelmed it feels like I'm at the ocean or standing in a meadow.

3. Who is your role model?
My best friend. She has such a nice personality. But I'd want to be fierce like Beyonce. She seems very confident and has done a lot of good.

4. ...
I just realized there was no #4. LOL

5. Describe your style.
Haaaaaaa~ it's usually very casual when I'm outside, hoodies and sneakers and skinny jeans. At home I'm always in pajamas and such. When I dress up, it's usually very dressy and colorful with high heels. Dresses/skirts with pockets rock!! My makeup is subtle but impactful due to eyeliner.

6. Take a picture of your favorite possession.
I don't really have one but if I'd have to choose ~~~ It would be all the letters and cards I have received from people. I can't take a picture right now, but I'll update the blog later.

7. If you got a new pet today what would you name it?
Brown/gold colored: Gamja/Potato.
White: Gooreum/Cloud.
Black: Choco.

8. If you could switch lives with someone, who and why?
A celebrity. Park Shin Hye. She can act and sing. Something I would've liked to do as a career before. Besides, celebrities are the ones that truly have a behind the scenes worth watching.

9. What is your biggest regret?
Hiding my feelings.

10. What would your last words be?
I haven't really thought about it. I think it depends on who will be present. But I guess "I love you" would be fitting for almost all occasions.

I had fun doing that. I haven't done a Q&A in a long time so it was refreshing.

Everyday

There are those moments when I nonchalantly pop a hot Cheetos in my mouth while bobbing my head to music, that I think back to the times of when I used to be really close with this one person in middle school. Incredible how two completely irrelevant objects can spark a memory. I suppose my current situation of being apart from some really good friends reminded me of those days.

Human relationships. They really are fragile. Even thirty minutes of distance without means to communicate can eventually build an awkward atmosphere between two good friends. At first they start conversing because they have missed each other but eventually, the time spent apart comes and sits on them like a monster with an ugly personality.

Though I do have one friend I can talk to without worrying about the ugly monster of time, I feel like there are still many things she doesn't know about me only because she's not there to witness my surroundings or to study my face for any hints of darkness that have visited and passed in these several years she has moved away. The manner of my thoughts are this way because I don't know entirely of what goes on in her life at this moment either. I'm not there to see or hear it all. But, I am grateful to have a precious friend like her.

But, sometimes I wish I could connect easily with other people as well. Like, why can't my relationships with other people be like this one when I have several other more people I want to converse with? Why can't our friendship be as long and enduring as this one?

I keep thinking about my friend from middle school. A popular person that I became friends with by chance. A chance that came when I found out that person was leaving. We weren't even familiar with each other when we exchanged usernames. Then one conversation online led to having several conversations throughout the week.

For two years, we were able to keep this up. But the odds weren't in our favor and like most long distant friends, we fell. I can't remember who stopped first. All I remember is that up until today, I have tried several ways to keep in touch and failed, feeling betrayed. Despite everything my friend said to me, I guess I wasn't worth the distance.

To be honest, I barely remember much of anything we talked about. Did our conversations have any depth? The things we laughed about, the things we talked about in a free and energetic manner, what were they? Were they even real? Were we being unrealistic? Does my friend even miss me like I do? How much have we both changed?

How can one person disappear from my life like that?

Sometimes I'm mad, hopeful, longing, but they're all full of wishes spent on dead stars. Maybe I'm just prolonging the magic of those childish days. Because just like that ugly monster, time spent apart won't go away for us. I'm sure that even if we were miraculously brought together again, things wouldn't change. Nothing would.

Those childish, innocent days in my memories will be just that. Innocent. And those memories just won't change. They'll remain there stacked in the back making room for new ones.

Even if I doubt that they were even real.

;A;

THE TEARS MAN. ALL THESE FEELS.

All this week, I have been stuck on three sad stories. Half intentional, half unintentional.

The Titanic(1997). If for some terrible reason you don't know the names of the actors to this movie, shame on you. Go to your room. Serious face.
Though I knew it had a sad, incredibly sad, ending I still decided that I would like to watch it for the old times. Still ended up bawling my eyes out. Big surprise.
I think everyone can agree with me on which scenes it was that they felt all those feels for that movie:
From that one dramatic scene where the infamous words of "Jack I promise I won't let go," to her changing her name to Rose Dawson (very symbolic of how she is married to Jack Dawson and giving the audience a heart wrenching moment), to the scene where we realize in that one photo she went and taught herself how to ride a horse like a man (without Jack), and finally to that final scene of her dreaming, I believe, that she's back on The Titanic with Jack where she is shown in her former beauty.

Tear Level (1-5): Maybe it was due to the fact that I had already known the ending to the story but I give it a 3, which is me crying on the sofa, in the dark, for a good twenty minutes. Sniffles.

The Werewolf Boy (2012), a Korean movie I have been waiting to download since it has been released. Against my better judgement, I really wanted to watch this movie. The only good reason I had to watch this movie really was that the main protagonists were being acted out by a few of my many favorite uprising actors. Song Joong Gi (송중기) and Park Bo Young (박보영).
This story, in my opinion, had its resemblances to the Titanic. One, the grandma, that is like sixty-six years old, is reminiscing about her past with the werewolf boy. Two, the majority of the movie is placed back in the old days, though not as far back as 1912. Three, its a love story between two characters that aren't really meant to be. Four, though they aren't meant to be, they protect each other from the world. Five, the antagonist is just another rich jerk that has no love and can't stand the two lovebirds being together.
But that last reason probably applies to almost every movie out there. And if its not almost every movie, then almost every chick flick.
Someone can prove me wrong. I don't care. It was a rhetorical statement anyway. Smileyface.

Tear Level: Without a second thought, I give it a 5. Which means, I ended up crying so much for almost an hour that I ended up getting a throbbing headache. Once I'd calm down, I'd only end up crying again because everything after it would only remind me of the two lovers. I needed an ice pack for my swelling eyelids. And it's not that the movie was insanely sad either, but the fact that this movie wasn't what I had expected it to be. Just a really beautiful movie with a good story...that likes to punch your face in at the same time.
P.S. Twilight needs to get outta here.

My Sister's Keeper (2004) by Jodi Picoult, turned into a film by 2009. A film that I have not seen because I had heard it was sad. I don't know if I even want to venture into that movie since I have also heard that it was different from the book in many aspects. Which is fine with me because, usually, I prefer the book's version and that applies to any book that has been turned into a film (e.g. Bridge to Terabithia).
Originally I wouldn't have picked this book to read in my free time but it was handed to me in English as an assignment. Well, it was dreadful for me to read this at first. I was not looking forward to reading a sad ending that I knew was nearing. But then Chapter 1 ends with the daughter suing her parents for medical emancipation. ..A cliffhanger if I didn't know one. So here I am, finished with the book in less than two days when only supposed to go up to page seventy-two (It's a little over four hundred). Should I say 'oops' or should I say 'oops'?
Anyway, I enjoyed reading the words off of the pages. It was different from all the romances I have been reading and a good change for me. I'd recommend it. It has enough of the different characters' perspectives per chapter for anyone to get into.

Tear Level: I'd give it a 2. The tears required more than just two brushes of my shirt sleeve. The story had a twist that I just did not see coming. An ending that made me take in my breath just a little. Still good though. The story and characters had a lot of food for thought quotes which allowed me to think differently and conjure up questions like,"What would it be like to fall in love with someone that was dying before you met them? Could you still fall in love with them? What if I was in her shoes? Could I challenge myself to carry out a task that would be fatal? What do you choose, moral or law, when you're a lawyer?"

Well, that's all I wanted to share for today.

Have a swiss roll. The chocolate kind.

I want help, my good friend(s)

I am currently not in the jolly mood to start with an intro that has me typing out a nice greeting of "Hey, I'm back!" So let's get right into the topic and cut the unnecessary chit chat out.

I have a good guy friend. A real nice guy. I have enjoyed his companionship for the past two years. We've had a few major downs. And tiny misunderstandings here and there. Overcame anything that had to be overcome.

Now, with us (and perhaps many other people), there is a sharing of links to sites that is always being passed around in the chat room. What mostly goes back and forth between us are YouTube videos. They can be music, trailers to movies, pictures, cartoons, etc. Whenever I send my friend a link, it's mostly to ask for an opinion, because it has been established between us that our tastes can be very different. When our thoughts are mutual, I get very happy to find a new common ground. If not, I turn into a turtle. Sometimes, a very upset turtle. Like now.

In many occasions,  my friend will not like the link I sent him and won't even finish watching and/or listening to the video. And I have learned to overlook it whenever he chooses to do so. Because most of the time, I mentally prepare myself before I send the link. But sometimes I get really upset. And that is what has happened today. Tonight, to be specific.

I've become one of the many subscribers to one certain LPer on YouTube a couple months back and started checking out the LPer's Tumblr just yesterday. On one of the LPer's page, there was one post that had been reblogged. This video right here: http://youtu.be/_VK2il0LnOY.
I watched it because it sparked my curiosity. It has, in my opinion, a nice soundtrack. However, the video contains no dialogue. So quite frankly, I didn't understand what the video was trying to convey to its audience. All I know is that I liked the video, despite its weirdness, and wanted someone to interpret the story for me.

Guess who I turned to for help? That's right. My good guy friend.

Guess what he did? Didn't finish the video.

He told me, "Don't even know what to say about it. Just seems pretty dumb."
...
How can he tell me that when he didn't even finish watching the video? In fact, he stopped four minutes into the video, which is halfway. Before it had even reached the climax. Honestly, I should have expected for him to not finish since he's not into animation. But it had no dialogue, meaning that I didn't have to find him any subs or dubs, making it easier for my friend to watch the video. So I had at least hoped he would finish the video until the end. Even if it wasn't to his liking. Apparently I was wrong, because to him, eight minutes is long. For an animation, anyway.

Really, all I wanted was his opinion and interpretation. Clearly, his opinion didn't help me at all since he was vaguely interested in the story. And there was no interpretation because he didn't even have the patience or the open mind to finish what had started.

In the end, my friend had left me in fumes. I was really close to yelling at him for not being wholly respectful to me, because I finish every single one of the videos that he shares with me. Even if I did not like the video in the beginning or midway, I dutifully finish it until the end because I feel like that is the right thing to do. And respectful.

But man, my good friend, all that video wanted was love. (WHY CAN'T YOU LOVE IT?)
And all I wanted was help. (WHY CAN'T YOU HELP ME?)

I guess my main point in this blog post is (besides venting my rage in a rant) to ask my other good friends out here in the blog world to help this girl here to come up with an interpretation. Because I know that this video has some beautiful yet hidden meaning in it. I just have yet to find this wonderful meaning.. So grab a magnifying glass and let's be detectives!

Shall be much obliged if helped. Particularly in the comments department. :D

Sort of Bon Weekend

Goooooood afternoon!! I had a light brunch today so I'm quite hungry at the moment. So there will be random moments on this blog post. Forgive me for any future problems. *bows*

Moving on!

I have to do my English project that is due on Monday. But it's like, a 14 page essay about a prominent person who has made an impact in American history and my life. No motivation here whatsoever. The most biggest issue I have is that I don't have a role model. I don't look up to any celebrity. Because having a role model means that I want to follow in that person's footsteps. I don't want to follow that person's steps. What am I, a clone? I am my own person! This whole project is so entirely unnecessary!! My junior year is already coming to an end. There is less than a month left. So why do I even have to write this so-called-almighty "Multi Genre Project?" Why can't we just finish the school year with reading a book, taking a few quizzes, and wrapping up our grades with a big final test? Why do things have to be so excessively energy wasting? It's not even fun.


Now I have completely forgotten what else I wanted to blog about. Where has that notebook of blog writing gone to when I need it?

Sigh.

This has been your hungry, procrastinating, unorganized, 17-year-old blogess. (Yes, I just made up that word. You like?)

P.S. I can't believe I'm already seventeen. I mean, it was only a few blogs ago that I had just turned sixteen.

I'm Back

This was a blog post that I had started in September 2011 but kept it as a draft.
I now have the courage to post it as an official blog. Here it is:


I kept telling myself that I would do many blogs over the summer and I even kept track in a journal about what I would blog about. But since I'm not a very committed person, that didn't work out. Since I haven't blogged in a few months I have to give my readers a lot of catching up to do. Now half of my reasons for my lack in blogging are very ... depressing ... and the other half is more optimistic. But since this will take up a lot of blogs I will get the depressing news out of the way first. This will be very hard and personal for me to do, but I feel that it will help me move on. Let's begin.

Life is hard. You have to do so many things in order to survive everyday and even when you're doing all of the right things, something else effects you. It's very unfair, but that is the world we live in today. It is not perfect. We will all eventually get sick and die. This is a story about my uncle that has passed away on Friday, June 24, 2011. (I caught you off guard right?)

My uncle, my father's younger brother, was diagnosed with stomach cancer at the beginning of this year. When we had received a call from my aunt a week earlier that he was in the hospital, I had hoped that he would be cured. I already knew that this was an impossible request when I first laid my eyes on him sitting in a hospital bed.

He had already shaved off all his hair and he was the skinniest I had ever seen him. Seeing the needles in his arm and tubes in his nose made him look very vulnerable. I couldn't dare to look at him for more than a few seconds. I couldn't even talk to him. My heart was wrenching inside my chest so much that I left the hospital room and took refuge downstairs in the lobby. Of course I eventually went back upstairs to reassure my uncle with a smile.

The following week involved my family driving back and forth down south to the hospital my uncle was staying in. Half the time I went against my will. Half the time I knew that I should go see him so that I wouldn't regret anything. But that didn't mean I stayed at the hospital the whole time. I went to go see Green Lantern with my brothers to escape reality.

A week later, on June 23rd, 2011, my uncle's condition was terribly worsened that we had to call everyone to gather at the hospital. He was having trouble breathing because the cancer cells were spreading to devour his lungs, his organs, and even down to his bones. This day was also my brother Peter's birthday. ...I prayed so hard to God that night, pleading to not let my uncle pass away on his birthday. That night was also the first time I had seen my older brother David cry.

On June 24th, 2011, my family had woken up to the news of my uncle's death. At first I was afraid to touch him. But I wanted something to remember him by so that I wouldn't regret. I knelt down on the side of his bed and grabbed his right hand. I will never forget the texture of his hand, the size of his hand, or how cold his hand was. No matter how long I held on to his hand, they remained cold. I tried to warm up his hand. I really did. But they remained cold. It felt to me like he was slipping away. That he would never open his eyes again, never speak again, never touch me again, and worst of all, never breathe again. It was then that I started to release my cries out loud along with my family.


Our family held his funeral on June 27, 2011. Ironically, this was the same day that my other uncle died in 2007. Reality was very cruel and relentless for me that day. Before I left the funeral, I walked up to the coffin with my mother to bid my uncle a last farewell. He looked so nice in his suit that it made me cry. I engraved his sleeping face into my mind in that moment so that I would never forget what he looked like. And for the last time, I touched his hand and walked away with the feeling of his cold skin tingling on my fingertips.


Now I live my life one day at a time.

It's Been Over A Year!

So it has come to my attention that I haven't blogged in over a year (Thank you best friend). You guys have probably noticed by now that I have a problem where I can never finish what I started. And a serious case of procrastination. Right now, I really do have a lot to share. I mean, like, a year's worth of blabber. But I'll go into a romance/debate topic for now.

I personally like mature, older guys than those that fall into the same age range as me. He can be 9 or 10 years older than me and I could still like the dude. But my guy friend can't understand why girls dig older guys or how guys can date someone much younger than them.

My friend and I always talk about this every time I mention someone older than me and he asks me if the guy is one of my "old man crushes." He likes to tease me a lot and blow up my mistakes in the face. But I guess that's why we're such good friends.

Anyway, It's quite the hilarious topic to talk about so I want to ask my readers: What do you guys think? Tell me your preference and/or opinion. :]